sábado, 28 de noviembre de 2020

Crack



Hagan el favor, cuídesen

domingo, 22 de noviembre de 2020

Ya casi



Hace tiempo que tengo una sensación en el estómago que se parece mucho al sonido de las escobillas de jazz.

Siendo antisocial en una época en la que el gobierno desaconseja los abrazos, meter la nariz de repente en un cuello que te apetece tiene consecuencias. Olores, procesos psicobiológicos, lata abierta, gusanos por doquier.

Celina me dijo el otro día que le gusta que le cuenten a qué se agarró la gente que superó una depresión. Ella se agarró a una tabla de surf. El abrelatas a una cuchara de palo. Algunas personas se agarran al trabajo, o a otras personas. Yo me agarré a una cámara de fotos.

En mi ingratitud, invierto mucha energía y mucha verborrea en convencerme a mí y a los demás de que esto no es lo mío. Incluso me busqué un trabajo de verdad y hablo de él con (ligeramente) menos vergüenza que de las fotos.

Sin embargo, hace tiempo que sé que se puede medir cuánto me estoy cuidando por lo que abultan impresas las fotos que hago cada mes.

Creo que llegados a este punto (en el que lo tecleo en un navegador web que tiene un botón que dice "publicar"), queda claro que el gato está fuera de la bolsa, hay un elefante en la habitación y al emperador se le ve la pilila.

Tienes deberes, Ángela.

jueves, 15 de octubre de 2020

Melting point



Not long ago I felt for a brief moment while watching Star Trek, that the barrier between us and everything else was really thin and even permeable. What an obvious thing to have an epiphany about, even our non-metaphorical skin is permeable.

I remember how years ago I didn't look at my mind much. And for sure the thought of it being just another part of the outside universe never crossed my mind. I saw my mind like another universe, completely isolated from the universe where the other people were living and life was happening.

I wasn't feeling depressed for most of that time. I think I got depressed when I realised that those two universes didn't seem compatible. But I think all my suffering comes from not being able to melt with that outside universe. Imagine, like a solid blob in a lava lamp, letting gravity pull it down, to be absorbed by the big mass of hot, liquid lava. So satisfying.

And I don't want to only melt with the outside universe, I want to melt with all the other isolated universes too, the ones existing in other people's minds. I wonder how many amazing things must happen inside them. Inside you. What do I need to do to be allowed to contemplate you all? Other than invite you to mine as often as I can.

It would be wonderful if everyone invited each other to go have a look at their universes: people would be able to enjoy the wonders of loneliness in company. And it would be impossible to harm each other.

I wonder if everyone feels like this, or there are people who feel truly connected and I just don't experience it naturally because of my psychological issues. Or maybe everyone feels exactly like me because everyone has psychological issues! Haha, probably that.

I wish more people went to therapy and watched Star Trek.

jueves, 30 de julio de 2020

Four-leg clover


The day after my birthday
I found a four-leaf clover.

I didn't take it with me
because I realised that
if I really like something
I shouldn't kill it

or feel the need to own it.

miércoles, 17 de junio de 2020

It's been a while

I need a new word for when you miss something that's yet to come.

miércoles, 10 de junio de 2020

Oh well

I'm so used to disappointment
that
if I ever meet someone
who's not disappointing
I'll most likely feel
disappointed.

viernes, 5 de junio de 2020

Color


Todo es, todos somos, de algún color.

sábado, 23 de mayo de 2020

El método científico



Hello. My name is Ángela and I'm not a photographer. Or an artist. Or whatever people call me.

If I was a fruit salad, photography would be the watermelon.

Anyhow.

I've been drawing my work colleagues for a few weeks now. I'm not very happy with my drawing skills but I like doing it, and that's all that matters 99% of the time if you ask me.

Self portraits are more difficult than regular portraits. They are also more complete I think. When you portray someone you always leave something from you in the result. When you portray yourself the cycle wraps. Doesn't mean the result will be better, but it's more interesting. If we're talking about a honest portrait that is.

Hmm.

When I was a child and I first heard a teacher explaining the "scientific method" it felt obvious. I thought.. Is there any other way to do things?

Turns out there are. And I don't understand any of them. However, in my job that way is not only valid, but necessary.

If I was a fruit salad, my job would be the plate.

sábado, 9 de mayo de 2020

The new weird



The concept of a world crisis where people are getting fatter instead of starving, going for daily walks and watching Netflix more than ever has got me thinking.

I hope in the 24th century humans look back at this moment of history and see us as silly moaners, not brave heroes.

jueves, 30 de abril de 2020

domingo, 19 de abril de 2020

Patillas


El buen humor llega como el malo: de repente y sin motivo.

En ambos casos, desde dentro parece imposible que sea solo un estado, que se vaya a terminar ese punto de vista, el efecto de esa reacción química cerebral.

¿Cómo será la realidad? Nunca lo sabré.

domingo, 5 de abril de 2020

The normal state of things


It's kind of nice that (for once) every single person on the planet is experiencing the anxiety and loneliness that people with mental problems experience every day of their lives.

I wonder if, next time you see someone losing their shit the way you are all doing right now, you will still invalidate the way they feel by telling them they are being dramatic.

Because the truth is that "crazy" people are the ones that are panicking the least right now.

It takes years of practice :)

lunes, 16 de marzo de 2020

First kiss


It's taken me ages, but I finally feel complete when I'm on my own. I have emotional support, attention, fun, respect, laughter, hugs, good sex.

However, there are other things I can't have on my own.
Help sometimes when I feel like shit.
A nudge when I'm being stubborn.
Homemade food when I'm exhausted.
Interesting stories I haven't heard yet.
Whispers in my ear.
A ridiculously romantic first kiss.

So if you are not planning to give me any of those things, what reason do I have to invest time in you when I could be investing it in myself?

lunes, 9 de marzo de 2020

Muy hasta la polla


De los vecinos, del curro, de la gente, de los tíos, del móvil, de la gripe, de las noticias, de todo.

jueves, 5 de marzo de 2020

Fast junk


fast food = junk food
fast (food) = junk (food)
fast = junk