jueves, 21 de noviembre de 2019
martes, 19 de noviembre de 2019
lunes, 28 de octubre de 2019
We all say we don't care about what people say, I say it too. However, yesterday I proved myself wrong.
I was cycling along the beach when I saw those beautiful rocks and I thought I'd like to shoot a picture on them.
I looked around and there were some people. An old lady with a dog. A family with two kids and another dog. A cuddly couple. Three friends drinking beer.
The beach was big and they were quite far away, but it would be obvious that there was a naked person doing weird things on the rocks even from the distance. I felt shy.
So I took some pictures with my clothes on to check the framing and I smoked a cigarette waiting for a moment of privacy.
When most people left, I discreetly took my clothes off and tried to shoot the three pictures I needed, but I took the first one and my battery died.
When I realised, I started shouting at my camera.. En serio? Venga ho! Ahora te apagas cabrona? Me cagüen todo!
Of course, by then more people had showed up and they were looking at the angry naked person shaking something in the air.
It's not the first time that I lose the opportunity of doing something I want because I'm scared of what people would say. But you know what? Even trying to be careful and neglecting my own wishes all my life, people still talk shit about me.
Next time I'm getting naked, fuck it.
domingo, 27 de octubre de 2019
miércoles, 16 de octubre de 2019
Sometimes I travel in time.
I lie down, close my eyes and go to the past, to a moment of my childhood when I felt scared, misunderstood or despised, and I give myself a big hug until we both calm down.
Of course, doing this I'm altering the past and creating a new timeline in which I grow up knowing what secure attachment feels like.
When I come back, the present has changed. A little bit.
jueves, 29 de agosto de 2019
You.. All the songs talk about this mysterious being.
I mentally scanned my list of friends and acquaintances, looking for someone like that.. Nope. I didn't wish anybody was there.
Do You even exist? Who are You?
miércoles, 21 de agosto de 2019
sábado, 17 de agosto de 2019
miércoles, 31 de julio de 2019
viernes, 26 de julio de 2019
domingo, 21 de julio de 2019
He would do anything to make his life unique, even destroy himself.
And he really needs to feel the storm, so he proceeds.
And I sit there and watch because I wouldn't change a bit of what he is.
I can't help loving him. Or maybe just the fact that he exists.
He's the most beautiful chaos, a wonderful pain.
All my life I've been hearing people telling me that my personality is too much. I'm too stubborn, too impulsive, too emotional, too analytical. Too much!
But a few weeks ago something terrible happened and it was my personality that saved the day.
Of course, all the other times that nothing terrible is happening, the hurricane under my skin, which can extinguish the largest of fires, seems too much for most.
What can I say.. I hope you never find yourself in need of someone like me. On the other hand, I can't express how much I love all those people who realised my real potential before they had to see me using it.
domingo, 7 de julio de 2019
martes, 2 de julio de 2019
domingo, 9 de junio de 2019
1585 days ago I decided to start a therapy and 39 days ago I decided to be happy. It took me fucking 1546 days to decide to be happy LOL!
I can't even count all the times in that period that I thought life was pointless. On the other hand, I can't count the number of times that I felt like it didn't need to be meaningful to be worth living.
But now.. now it's been 39 days without even thinking about pictures, without opening this file where I write down and order my thoughts. Without getting to a transcendental conclusion and sharing it. Without feeling guilty about it. 39 days of living and loving and feeling and sensing and being myself. Without needing anyone, pushing anything, or wishing things were different.
Without wishing it was a round number instead of 39! Hi there, obsessive personality, I see you. You are cute sometimes but not in control anymore. Thanks for letting me pilot the ship.
I've been investing so much time and energy getting ready for this, and now it seems so easy. Happiness seems easy I mean.