Time machine

I would like to travel two years back in time and talk to myself..

Don't feel guilty for always having the energy to try again and sometimes choosing to give up.

There's nothing for you here, other than the opportunity to get to know yourself better, but that's a lot.

The same will happen again and again until you learn that lesson.

Everything you think you have, will vanish into thin air very soon, because nothing is real but yourself.

So don't take it too seriously, you don't need to suffer that much.

You can chill, this is not how love feels like, you haven't lived that yet.

You will soon.

...

Oh! And eat lots of crumpets, they don't have any in Spain. 

Carl Zeiss

Disparé esta foto con un viejo Carl Zeiss de los años 60. La misma lente que mi padre compró cuando era más joven que yo.

Esta lente ha visto muchas cosas, y yo también. Hoy nos miramos mutuamente.

No es compatible con la app de mi móvil, claro. Qué tragedia. Pero es compatible con mi nostalgia crónica.

Cuando la miro veo personas, paisajes, miles de imágenes, a lo largo de décadas, todas ellas encogiéndose una tras otra para atravesar ese pequeño agujero que separa la realidad del recuerdo.

Mi propia imagen hoy haciendo lo mismo. Mi padre, mi madre, mi hermana, mi hermano y yo, todos lejos y todos tan cerca durante una centésima de segundo.

Leap of faith

I'm not great at making decisions, but I'm pretty good at leaps of faith.

Lies

This is the unconscious mental process when someone tells a lie:

- I'm doing something that I consider wrong.

- I feel I should be doing this other thing that I consider right.

- I'm going to blame other person for my behaviour, so I don't have to assume the responsibility of my acts.

- First, I'll tell myself it's them who consider it wrong and not me.

- Then I'll tell them that I'm doing what I consider right so they don't judge me.

- If they find out, it will be their fault that I lied.

- Sorted 🎢

Indeed

It's been a long time since you killed yourself and you're still teaching me how to enjoy life.

A long time since we walked through that infinite cemetery counting gravestones until we saw yours and I still feel the tension in my forehead.

A long time since I last crossed Spain on a train and I still remember the feeling of contempt towards myself for not respecting my own life.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you what I thought about you when you were alive. I'm sceptical about souls, spirits and shit, but somehow I do hope you can read this. Because my respect to you triggered great changes.

Thanks girl <3

I've got life

Today all my money is travelling from my British account to my brand new Spanish one. In the meantime, I've got no money.

I find it exciting because it reminds me of all the things that I've got.

For example, most of my teeth.

I've never been this poor.
I've never been this rich either!

Phobias

It's Saturday night and I can't smoke, nor eat, nor drink. And you know what? I don't mind really.

Because I'm facing one my biggest fears and I'm not breaking down. My mind is right here.

Scared and obsessed as fuck, but here.

This must be how heaven feels like.

Basura

To ride a bike

Do you know what's the only thing you need in order to learn how to ride a bike?

Not knowing how to ride a bike!

Happy 2019

Every country has a tradition to celebrate the change of year.

In Spain, we stuff our faces with grapes, to the rhythm of the chimes at midnight.

My personal tradition is to reflect about how things have evolved since the last time I ate 12 grapes.

This year has been without a doubt the most painful and challenging but also most peaceful and full of happiness I've lived so far. I feel so so so thankful! My heart is incredibly lighter and warmer than 365 awakenings ago.

Looking forward to seeing what the next one brings 😎

Survive a New Year everyone! ✨🍇🥂❤️

Boundaries

When I breathe, little bits of the outside become part of me and little bits of me become part of the outside.
The frontier between myself and others, myself and a tree, myself and the whole fucking Universe, is just an imaginary boundary, a trick of the mind.

The last lie

Merry Titmas

That day he was feeling low. It happened often and he didn't usually know why.
- I'm going to tell you something and you have to take it, you can't say anything back.
He raised an eyebrow.
- Are you ready?
- Okay..
I covered his mouth with my hand and stared at his eyes.
- I love you.
I could feel a smile appearing under my hand, so I lifted it.
- That was powerful.



I wish you all a happy end of the year, and you don't have to say anything back!

Sabor de amor

Wonderful

El camino correcto

The day I met him, a friend introduced him to me saying.. He's a musician, he played with one of your favourite bands!

Over a year later, he confessed that wasn't true. He had had the opportunity to play with them but lost it last minute and he had been telling himself and others that he had played, instead of facing the painful truth and the feeling of failure.

I didn't think less of him when I found out, I felt happy that he was being honest and hugged him. That's what I did, I overlooked the constant lies. Found an excuse for them, one by one.

And months later, when he made the decision to leave without talking to me, without facing the problem.. I was surprised!! I see now that he was not the only one lying to himself.

Life definitely has a sense of humour when teaching us about ourselves, but sometimes it takes a while to get it!

Netflix

I've cancelled my Netflix membership :)

Personal growth

Miscommunications

Oportunismo