jueves, 15 de octubre de 2020

Melting point

Not long ago I felt for a brief moment while watching Star Trek, that the barrier between us and everything else was really thin, permeable. What an obvious thing to have an epiphany about, even our non-metaphorical skin is permeable.

I remember how years ago I didn't look at my mind much. And for sure the thought of it being just another part of the outside universe never crossed my mind. I saw my mind like another universe, completely isolated from the outside one, where the other people were living and life was happening.

I wasn't feeling depressed for most of that time. I think I got depressed when I realised that those two universes didn't seem compatible. But I think all my suffering comes from not being able to melt with that outside universe. Imagine, like a solid blob in a lava lamp, letting gravity pull it down, to be absorbed by the big mass of hot, liquid lava. So satisfying.

And I don't want to only melt with the outside universe, I want to melt with all the other isolated universes too, the ones existing in other people's minds. I wonder how many amazing things must be happening inside them. Inside you. What do I need to do to be allowed to contemplate you all? Other than to invite you to mine as often as I can.

It would be wonderful if everyone invited each other to go have a look at their universes: people would be able to enjoy the wonders of loneliness in company. And it would be impossible to harm each other.

I wonder if everyone feels like this, or there are people who feel truly connected and I just don't experience it naturally because of my psychological issues. Or maybe everyone feels exactly like me because everyone has psychological issues! Haha, probably that.

I wish more people went to therapy and watched Star Trek.