jueves, 15 de octubre de 2020

Melting point

Not long ago I felt for a brief moment while watching Star Trek, that the barrier between us and everything else was really thin and even permeable. What an obvious thing to have an epiphany about, even our non-metaphorical skin is permeable.

I remember how years ago I didn't look at my mind much. And for sure the thought of it being just another part of the outside universe never crossed my mind. I saw my mind like another universe, completely isolated from the universe where the other people were living and life was happening.

I wasn't feeling depressed for most of that time. I think I got depressed when I realised that those two universes didn't seem compatible. But I think all my suffering comes from not being able to melt with that outside universe. Imagine, like a solid blob in a lava lamp, letting gravity pull it down, to be absorbed by the big mass of hot, liquid lava. So satisfying.

And I don't want to only melt with the outside universe, I want to melt with all the other isolated universes too, the ones existing in other people's minds. I wonder how many amazing things must happen inside them. Inside you. What do I need to do to be allowed to contemplate you all? Other than invite you to mine as often as I can.

It would be wonderful if everyone invited each other to go have a look at their universes: people would be able to enjoy the wonders of loneliness in company. And it would be impossible to harm each other.

I wonder if everyone feels like this, or there are people who feel truly connected and I just don't experience it naturally because of my psychological issues. Or maybe everyone feels exactly like me because everyone has psychological issues! Haha, probably that.

I wish more people went to therapy and watched Star Trek.

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